Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies,
it remains only a single seed.
But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
John 12:24
The smell.
Oh the smell of the forest floor, drenched in color and fresh rain.
Like a ribbon of light it beckons, calling me deeper; but into what?
The moment?
How deep can I go into only a moment?
If I could, I’d wrap myself in it like a cozy blanket and stay,
because it is a moment where the world seems soothing,
and kind, and welcoming, and…well, somehow right.
But it is just this moment.
That it will pass and all the less-than-right moments will rush in
to discolor and disenchant
doesn’t keep me from being awed by it.
I breathe deeply the scent of forest and rain and autumn.
But it is a ragged breath.
Like an asthmatic, I am reaching for a temporary fix.
Still, I breathe easier with my feet in golden softness and my head in just this moment.
For me, there is ambivalence in fall because it is fading.
How can the colors of death be so vibrant, and its fragrance so beautiful?
My heart is tugged in different directions as the taste of joy mingles with loss.
I long to capture the joy, but can’t make the stillness and scent and surprise
a permanent part of me.
Why can’t I hold onto it somehow?
Be transformed by rest and refreshment and beauty?
But these moments seem to satisfy like a drip of water,
when what I really want is a baptism by immersion.
I am longing for transformation, for a season of change
with fall’s beauty, but spring’s promise.
Jesus said that kind of transformation is accomplished through death.
That fall precedes spring.
That a seed has to die before it can be transformed into a fruit tree, or an ear of corn,
or a flower, or the beauty that surrounds me on this forest trail.
And I wonder, am I ready to die anew for the promise of growth and fruitfulness?
Am I courageous enough to cast a single, lonely seed into
the baptism of earth and darkness and winter’s chill,
and wait patiently to see what the Creator will do
when conditions are right for resurrection?
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