Leadership Reflections

From the palace to the desert, to the palace once again
Desert lessons in my heart, a shepherd stick in my hand;
I’ve seen the fire and heard the thunder of one who calls himself ‘I AM,’
And he has waked me from my slumber and called me to his bigger plan.

But I’m barely willing, less than ready
Out of place, scared to the bone.
And he seems deaf to my excuses Pushes past my comfort zone.
So from my faith, and from my weakness I must trust his voice alone;
Listen well and he will tell me How to reach this promised home.

From Promised Home, words and music by Amy Blackledge 2007

Over the next 13 weeks, I’ll be completing a leadership course as part of my seminary education, and the reflections you see here will be around that topic. I’ve always been drawn to leaders and to leadership, and over the years have pondered that penchant. Does it flow from the way God has gifted or wired me; or does it flow from insecurity and a desire to cover that up by surrounding myself with those I perceive as more successful, or having it all together?

Perhaps that sounds like a simple question if you consider your own life, but I assure you that to me, it looms large and complicated. I struggle intensely with success and failure, and in my own mind many times, the failure column outweighs the success. Even now I am at a critical juncture in ministry, feeling the tension between what I have to offer and what the marketplace will say about that. Should I just give up? Many times each day I want to, and just as many a verse reverberates off the walls of the crucible: I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which Christ laid hold of me. (Phil 3:12)

My spirit, my soul argue that Christ didn’t rescue me from all he has just so I could get comfy, or never face any more trials. In the God Story, he often doesn’t call the ones the world might expect – he calls the ones who are humbled by speech impediments, or small statures, or a history of mistakes, or powerlessness of some kind. These are the Moses’, the Davids, the Rahabs and Marys and Peters and Pauls. What did God see in them, and does he see the same in me (or you)?

Ruth Haley Barton in Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership talks about how God shapes those he has called to ministry and leadership (and all of us lead in some way): “In the process of transformation the Spirit of God moves us from behaviors motivated by fear and self-protection to trust and abandonment to God; from selfishness and self-absorption to freely offering the gifts of the authentic self; from the ego’s desperate attempts to control the outcomes of our lives to an ability to give ourselves over to the will of God which is often the foolishness of this world….God is the one who initiates and guides the process and brings it to fruition. The soul-full leader is appropriately humbled by this realization and also relieved to not have to bear the heavy weight of responsibility for changing herself or others. The soul-full leader is faithful to the one thing he can do – create the conditions that set us up for an encounter with God in the places where we need it most. To continually seek God in the crucible of ministry no matter how hard it gets.” (Barton, pg 16-17)

I resonate with this definition of leadership – out of my own deep relationship with the God who is shaping and changing me, I can only create the conditions that set myself and others up for space and time to encounter God too. By God’s grace, as I travel that continuum from fear and self-protection to trust and abandonment to God, I won’t give up on this calling, and you won’t either. So, from our faith, and from our weakness, we must trust his voice alone. Listen well, and he will tell us how to reach this promised home.

P.S. If you’d like, you can listen to the song I quoted from above at https://myspace.com/amyblackledge/music/song/04-promised-home.mp3-82676809-91159043.