How to think about ’empty.’

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.
Philippians 2:5-7

I am challenged in recent weeks by the notion that I run from emptiness, and asking myself ‘why?’ I feel empty, so I reach for the most immediate thing I can find to fill that space — maybe it’s food, or running errands, or spending money, or seeking solace in nature — something that fills the craving. For what? It has come to me in various ways over the weeks that I am asking the wrong question. The question is not ‘where can I find something to fill myself,’ but ‘why do I think it’s so miserable to feel empty?’

A sage pointed out to me that I am seeking quiet and lonely places to recharge. The people-forsaken beach a few weeks ago. The solitude of silence every time I have the chance. The trail I love to walk, now deserted save a few brave souls being walked by their dogs. So…I’m seeking empty places to fill my emptiness? I see the irony she was pointing out, and it has begged that question — is emptiness necessarily something bad? Well, yes and no.

Ruth Haley Barton in Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership, “Without the regular experience of being received and loved by God in solitude and silence, we are vulnerable to a kind of leadership that is driven by profound emptiness that we are seeking to fill through performance and achievement. This unconscious striving is very dangerous for us and for those around us; it will eventually burn us out (since there is no amount of achievement that will ultimately satisfy the emptiness of the human soul)…. (pg 126)

So, admitting my need, and running toward solitude with my Maker and Re-maker is a good kind of running. It’s running toward, not away. It makes space for me to hear from the One being most important to my life as a mom, teacher, worship leader, wife, friend, and follower of Christ. I need time without my own agenda, though; time without being driven by my need for performance and achievement. Time that I don’t sit down with God, and take out my memo pad of lists as if I am the one in charge of the meeting. Time to listen. To hear from this heart that I love. To be. To be still. To be still and know. To be still and know that he is God.

It strikes me to the core to realize that emptiness is space Jesus willingly opens up inside himself. The very thing I am afraid of, he seeks to do. Not striving to be ‘like God’ (think ‘perform, achieve…‘) because he already knows who he is. Although he woke up to find his divinity wrapped in fragile flesh, he wasn’t shocked. He sought the lonely places too to recharge, but he kept emptying himself for us — unafraid, unselfish, ungrasping. I’d like to be that kind of empty.